Would You Jump?

It's an ordinary day. You arrive at your dorm from class . Your thoughts linger to the events that may occur later that evening. A traditional "date", at least by college standards. You remember to ask your roommate to "vacate" the room for a few hours. This request is a clear indication for you need of privacy. You roommate concedes without argument. 

The following day, you become cognizant of a video streamed live for the viewing pleasures of other students on campus. Subsequently, you realize the video is of you having sex with your date. Your entire sex life is exposed. Your privacy is completely violated. You are hurt and humiliated. More importantly, you feel naked, literally and metaphorically, to many faceless students and maybe even some close buddies. What do you do? What can you do? You don't want to face this public scrutiny. It's too much, far beyond your grasp of control. So you drive to nearest bridge. 

You Jump.

Tyler Clementi jumped. He was a Young 18yr old, talented violinist, and student at Rutgers University. He also happened to be gay. 

What would you have done if you were in his shoes? What could you do if your sex life and orientation were exposed without your knowledge? Your options seem meager, if any at all. 

Would you jump?

I wonder, would his roommate violate his privacy if Clementi wasn't gay? Although it has been reported there is no evidence Dharan Ravi, Clementi's roommate had suspicion of Clementi's sexuality, he did secretly set up a video camera in his room before he left and accessed it while in the room of Molly Wei. Ravi then tweeted, Clementi's intimate moments, "Roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into molly's room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay." Ravi could have been reasonable (and should have) disconnected from the camera, then engaged in some other unruly activity. Instead, he continued to watch and eventually streamed the live feed to friends over iChat. 

Would Ravi broadcast if Clementi's date was a female? What if they were both female. Would Ravi broadcast the feed if Clementi's partner was a male or females? Considering the prior circumstances, I believe no.  It seems Ravi was entirely motivated by his inquiries of Clementi's orientation. You would believe a college student is a young, logical individual who surpassed the bullying age predominant in elementary and high school. Unfortunately, Ravi succumbed to one of the most lethal weapons of modern society: cyber bullying.

Again I ask, would you jump?

Many other young men did. Justing Aaberg came out at 13. At 15, he hung himself.  Billy Lucas, another 15 yr old, also hung himself. Although he never expressed that he was gay, He was relentlessly reproved by peers for being different. Asher Brown, only 13, shot himself the same day he came out to his parents. His parents were supportive, but he was constantly reviled by schoolmates. Self Walsh, 13, died in the hospital 9 days after he hung himself. Very recently, college student Raymond Chase, 19, hung himself in his dorm room.

Would you jump?

Two days ago, two men assaulted a gay man while screaming "Faggot" and other gay slurs. This occurred at the iconic Stonewall Inn known for the "Stonewall Riots" that initiated our Gay Rights Movement. 

These incidents are clear signs that homophobia is on the rise. Or perhaps it never disappeared at all. Perhaps, after several laws were instituted, prejudice individuals decided to keep to themselves, but continued to pass their prejudices conventions to their children and grandchildren. Homophobia persisted and homophobic incidents gained way as these newer generations have no fears of the repercussions after an attack. For a homosexual, the chances of becoming a hate crime victim today seems virtually the same as  in 1969, the same year the Stonewall riots occurred. 

Would you leap?

Would I leap? I'm gay. I wear men's pants, ties, and blazers that enhance my broad shoulders. I'm stared at constantly. Many times these looks are in disgust. I've been told I'm "too pretty" to be gay. I was verbally harassed in elementary school, and occasionally I endured a few scuffles. I cried those years. I was hurt. I hated myself and prayed God would make me straight some days. At one point, I contemplated taking my own life on a regular basis. Who wanted to be tortured? I didn't.

Would I leap? 
No. 

If I lept, I'd let others win. I'd allow others to determine that I don't deserve to be here, because I am gay. Had I been in Clementi's shoes, I wouldn't leap. I hold my privacy to the highest regard. Due  to my strong ego, I'd feel very humiliated. But simultaneously, because of my ego, I'd want to prove to the same people who taunted me that I am a better person.

Would I leap? No.

But I can't say I wouldn't think about it.

Cocky or Insecure?

Confident? That I certainly am.

Cocky…. Never.

Confidence is appealing.

Cockiness is rather unattractive…at least to me.

There is a significant difference between to the two characteristics. Confident individuals hold their head high. They are their own motivation. Often, confident individuals are very secure with themselves, their appearance, their mannerisms, their lifestyle, and they rarely brag. Nevertheless, they still have insecurities. What human doesn't? Cocky individuals on the other hand don’t share these same positive qualities. A cocky person is often boastful. They are frequently in the limelight. They are that person everyone else would like emulate because they brandish such great stature. They strive to be the center of everyone’s attention. This attribute is perhaps their greatest weakness. It is their insecurities that drives them toward desires for attention. Cocky individuals are not confident enough in themselves, therefore they seek attention from others to reassure them and constantly extinguish their vulnerabilities. They need someone else to say they look good, or they are intelligent, or they are talented in order to feel the same. A confident person will admit to their failures and weaknesses but embrace them as obstacles they can slowly overcome and also utilize them as tools to make them better people. Cocky people will never admit to any flaw. They want to appear perfect in every aspect. As a result they bring themselves down by obsessing over these flaws instead of conquering them.

I greatly detest cocky people i.e. Kanye West and others. Kanye West is beyond talented. Does he know it? Sure maybe he does. But I don't believe he feels it. Maybe if he did, he wouldn't need to run on stage at every award show to berate the judges and lament over how he felt he should have won. You don't need an award to know you are a winner. If you are talented, you will know it, and so will others.

Although I do not favor cockiness, I understand in many, if not all, cases, cockiness may be a result of someone's childhood. Maybe Kanye was not given enough attention. Maybe he was reproved by classmates in school. Maybe he was constantly told he wasn't talented or that he would never make it in life. I'm not sure. Confidence begins in childhood. If you are surrounded by an empowering family (blood or not) that motivates you on all your conquests, then maybe you will grow to be more sure of yourself. If this essential support is deficient, then surely a child's confidence is deficient as well. Of course no child should be raised without motivational support, but no child's upbringing can be controlled.

This is just food for thought.

-Free

One Year of Singledom =]

As of today, I am officially single for one year. While this is no big deal to me as I've been single for much longer periods in the past, I'll probably will go treat myself to a little shopping. But before I do, I'd like to say a little something about trust.

Trust. It is not easily obtained but is almost effortlessly dissolved. While this event is rather unfortunate, it is sometimes inevitable. That is perhaps unless we follow a specific set of fundamentals. From personal experience, I've established a very rigid set of of conventions pertaining to trust. Trust no one except God and yourself.

Why not trust anyone? We are selfish by human nature. Even the most selfless individual can harm another unintentionally when in pursuit of a personal desire. Blood is thicker than water, but family members can also harm each other. Trust no one. I'm not indicating one should never ever trust another person at all. Frankly, I believe no other person can be trusted entirely.

Always trust in God. Place 100% faith in God. God has a plan for us all, a plan that is good by nature. Even when evil events occur, like say 9/11, God can only take from this evil to make better.

Lastly always trust in yourself. If you don't, you will not go anywhere in life. 

-Free

I can't believe this man was our President for 8 yrs!

Watch this video and you will understand my frustration:

I love how George W. Bush attempts to be clever.

Idiot.

Love Conquers All....

I have recently deviated from the primary purpose of my blog; to express my views on love and human emotion, to relay some of my experiences that have shaped me into the young, jaded individual I've become, & to share how I applied what I've learned to the development my personal philosophy of life. There are many reasons why I haven't posted about myself in a while. 2009 really caught me off guard, however, it left major room for growth. I thought because I was officially legal (aka 21) I could travel across the states doing whatever (or whoever<---damn mess but partially true lol) But what I never expected was that I'd fall, not once, but twice, especially in such a short time period. Furthermore I've never expected to fall for the second individual at all. And today this is why I write this blog. [This is actually taking a huge bite out of my ego. I mean HUGE]

Love Conquers All

You meet someone. You think they're cool. You build a friendship. Subsequently, trust develops. Then occasionally, somewhere down the line, love emerges. Sometimes this love is purely the love shared between two best friends who would die for one another as if they were blood. Other times this love is deeper. Love that is indescribable. The type of love that makes you feel as if your floating on cloud nine. The love that is both your biggest strength and biggest weakness. Love that is sought by each and every individual on the face of this earth. I had that love, and it dissipated almost as quickly as it flourished. But that story has already been explained (check tag, "Personal Philosophy").

During the course of falling out of love last summer, I began falling for another. It was almost as if she pulled me out of the misery preoccupying my thoughts. She helped me believe love was real when I believed it was chemical process that makes one delusional. She helped me see not every female I'd ever come across was selfish. She helped me realize there were genuine, caring people in the world. Slowly but surely, I fell for her. Perhaps I was extremely vulnerable because of my emotional state during the time. The only dilemma is, I didn't feel or see it coming. I knew...after it all fell apart.

When it fell, it plummeted.

Today is the first time I'm actually writing anything about this situation. I've attempted to brush aside many times now. She and I indirectly "talked" for almost 2 months, so I assumed I'd be completely over it after a week or two.  Never in a million years could I have imagined I'd be greatly hurt by a stranger. I keep asking myself how is it possible someone I was never with affects me more than the first person I ever fell in love with. I harbored feelings for her, yet because I was still somewhat caught up in my ex, I wasn't aware of these feelings. When things fell apart because she messed up then started behaving as a complete jerk towards me. I became cognizant of how I really felt toward her. When she suddenly cut me off, and the pain actualized, reality set in.

I forgave her a long time ago for the events that occurred. I just don't understand why I continue to ponder over her, even just a little bit. After several months I've determined these feelings must have been very strong. She is the first person I felt I had a true connection. My friends say I'm very picky about my women, and I usually chase after the same "type" of women. This female was not my type. I fell for her personality first and then, as a result, I began to find her attractive.

I still get upset over the situation. Before she helped me understand there are good people in this world. Now, she reinforces my beliefs that women are selfish. I've subconsciously built a sturdier wall around my heart than ever before. I'm convinced I'll never have the capacity to love again. And after having my heart broken twice in one year, I'm also convinced no one will ever genuinely love me. Insecurities, insecurities, insecurities. My ego is somewhat tarnished and I feel vulnerable publishing this, but I just need to write.  I have more I could say, but I'm a bit frustrated at the moment. But through it all there is still one thing I still want. I'll keep that to myself fow no.

Love Conquers All.... especially when we least expect it.

-Free

JFK Airport... Are you serious?!?!? "C'mon Son!"

A Boston radio station has revealed audio of a child directing planes at New York's JFK airport. What the hell was the traffic controller thinking? Maybe sometimes it's ok for employees bring their kids to work, but seriously, I don't think a child should direct an airplane. Let's consider all the hysteria surround airplanes.  Newark Aiport, experience not just one, but two security breaches. A major Terrorist Threat in December was thwarted due to the terrorist's mistakes. The traffic controller should take his job more seriously.

"C'Mon SON!"

Who said humans couldn't fly?

Proof that we can:

One Angry American? Or rather a Domestic Terrorist?

Do you have a grudge against IRS? You do? I do as well. They force me to pay astronomical taxes. I'm a U.S. citizen and I do want to show my loyalty to the state, but the IRS is the end of me. There must be another solution. Perhaps, destroying an IRS building will do the trick. Surely, it will attract the attention of the government. Maybe they will reconsider their tax policies. 

Obviously, I'm not serious. Unfortunately Joseph Stack, an Austin resident, thought otherwise when he flew a small aircraft into and Internal Revenue Service building in Austin, Texas. Personally, I'm a bit bothered by this incident. Have Americans become so irrationally incompetent that we must utilize extreme measures in order to fell better about ourselves and our situations? Honestly, what did this act of violence solve? Nothing. Stack killed himself and another, while also managing to cause near fatal harm to others. Does this change anything? Hell no. We all still have to pay taxes. The law is the law, and it is our duty as citizens to abide by these laws, despite any of our personal protests. It certainly didn't solve any of his problems, unless he believed dying was solution to avoid paying taxes. 

It's sad.

It's also disturbing.

I'm more perturbed, however, by the media's reception of this incident. Stack, has been portrayed as a easygoing, hard worker engineer and musician. The crash is described as an isolated incident, one not driven but the ideologies of a terrorist conspiracy. Yet, he left behind a vicious suicide note condemning the government (especially the IRS) and bluntly implied he would take aberrant action. Flying a plane into an IRS building was a blatant act of terrorism. Undoubtedly this act was a premeditated crime against the government , one based on an obvious political motive. He depicted clear disregard for 200 innocent civilians working within the building and was determined to weaken a government agency. He even burned down his own house. Joseph Stack is a domestic terrorist.  

Americans tend to associate terrorism with Al Qaida and other Middle Eastern leaders. Hopefully this unfortunate event will help us recognize other forms of terrorism unlike the terrorism we have become familiar with these past few years.  Americans and our government must be more cognizant of dangers that exist within before placing extreme emphasis on the dangers without.

Click below to read the suicide note:

http://www.mercurynews.com/ci_14426581?nclick_check=1

-Free

Stimulus Package: One Year Later

Yesterday, President Obama  appeared at the White House defend the Stimilus Bill he initiated one year ago. While he promised the bill would help aid the recovery,  many argue such progress is insufficient disparaging the bill as a waste of taxpayer money.  "Millions are struggling  to make ends meet." Obama proclaimed, "So it doens't fell like much of a recovery yet. Cognizant of such conditions, Obama insists the stimilus package has done much to better the American economy. Obama stated insisted the $787 Billion American Recovery and Reinvestment Act created and/or saved at least two million jobs. As the unemployments rates consistently wavers around 9.7% on average, it's a bit difficult to understand where these jobs are created. Republicans have quickly dismissed such claims. Remaining optimistic, Obama declared, "It is largely thanks to the recovery act that a second depression is no longer a possibility."

I'm not too sure I agree with his proclaimation. We are in a deep state of decline, yes, and the U.S. seems to have avoided a depression, yes, but is this due to the Stimilus Package? Not necessarily so.  Perhaps, if by look at the bigger picture, we consider what is more readily available to us in our present time in comparison to the Great Depression. Regardless if our economy is booming or declining, it is safe to say technological advancements have helped maintain a more preferrable way of living, especially since these advancements hav become more and more accessible to the common consumer. While Obama's Stimulus Package may help provide job, it does not provide the general "necessities" that have helped sustain modern life. 

John Mayer cries while apologizing for racist comments.

John Mayer is such a talented musician and down to earth artist. It is schocking to read what he had to say in a tell all interview with Playboy. Here is what he had to say response to black women and relating them to his sex life:

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?

MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.

MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”

The poor dude should probably stop to think before allowing the words "nigger card" slip out his mouth. And If I were him, I don't think I would have admitted, "My dick is sort of like a white supremacist." I'm absolutely appalled by his comments. He has insinuated that only "niggers" or blacks can have a "hood pass," and because he is not black, or not a "nigger/nigga" in this case, and he has not been discrimnated against because of his race, he doesn't possess a "hood pass." What a shame.


On February 10, 2010, in Nashville, Tennesee, Mayer apologized while performing on stage and began to cry about "his attempts to be clever."


I'm still attempting to determine how having a white supremacist dick is clever. It's just stupid.

Help Haiti... How & where to Donate.

The impoverished lands of Haiti were devastingly destroyed by a 7.0 earthquake yesterday.

You can help but contributing donations to the following:

-Text Yele. Wyclef Jean is urging donors to text 'Yele' to 501501 and make a $5 contribution to the relief effort over cell phone. Click here to get more information via Wyclef's Twitter page.

- Save the Children. Donate at savethechildren.org or make checks out to "Save the Children" and mail to: Save the Children Income Processing Department, 54 Wilton Road, Westport, Conn. 06880

- UNICEF Go online to unicefusa.org/haitiquake or call (800) 4UNICEF.

- Red Cross Go online to redcross.org and click Donate, or call (800) REDCROSS.


- Direct Relief International. Donate online at directrelief.org.


- Mercy Corp. Go online to mercycorps.org or mail checks to Haiti Earthquake Fund, Dept. NR, PO Box 2669, Portland, Ore. 97208 or call (888) 256-1900

To find information about friends and family in Haiti: The U.S. State Department set up a toll-free number to call for information about family members in Haiti: 1-888-407-4747.

Quick Sidenote... 

Who allowed Pat Robertson to have a show?

Better yet, who allowed this dooshbag the authority to speak?

Pat Robertson is the same individul who agreed with his guest Rev. Jerry Falwell when he stated that Americans in favor of abortion, homosexuality and the separation of church and state had “helped” the 9/11 attacks to happen by angering god. Pat Robertson, your an A*#hole!

I'm Blacker than Barack Obama!

I'm blacker than Barack Obama. Not me. I refering to comments made by former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. Blagojevich, who's been indicted for allegedly attempting to auction off Obama's senate seat, now occupies his time as an Elvis impersonator while waiting for trial. Defending himself  in his interview with Esquire Magazine, Blagojevich stated n reference to Obama, "This guy, he was catapulted in on hope and change, what we hope the guy is. What the fuck? Everything he's saying's on the teleprompter. I'm blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived. I saw it all growing up."

Is this dude serious? Wow. So apparently shinINg shoes and owning a laundromat in a predominantly black neighborhood makes you black (or in this case, blacker than Obama)? I'm more appalled by his statements than by comments made by ignorant individuals who believe I "talk white." Seriously, what an idiot. Go back to impersonating Elvis.

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/features/people-who-matter-2010/rod-blagojevich-interview-0210-3#ixzz0cQg50yNi

"African-American": Bogus Terminology?

Below is an audio clip of Glenn Beck stating his opinions about the term "African- American"
Take a listen.



I do accede with some of Beck's theories. Yes, I am an indiviual of mixed backgrounds but I am certianly a Black American. Does that make me African? No. I was not born in Africa, nor was I born of African parents. The term "African-American" is potentially dissembling to who I am. Beck utilizes a very thought provoking example. Charliz Theron is a white female born in South Africa. She now resides in the United States. Theron is an "African-American," however she is rarely refered to as such. Why? The term "African-American," is employed by Americans improperly to describe the race of Black Americans when technically speaking, "African-American"  is a term used to describes ethnicity ( Here is a link about the differences and definitions of "race" and "ethnicity" : http://www.diffen.com/difference/Ethnicity_vs_Race ) All Americans should cease use ot the term "African-American." Racially speaking, Black Americans are just that, "black". Ethinically speaking Black Americans are not "African" because we do no share same cultural and traditional backgrounds of Africans. Lastly, we are not "African-American"  because we have not immigrated to the U.S. from Africa, and we are not 1st generation children of African parents.

I understand this topic is controversial, and I may create some enemies because of my personal beliefs. Nevertheless, this is entire the purpose of my blog is to proclaim my beliefs, update my readers on current event, elicit response or debate, and welcome all opinions. I am very open minded and I would hope that my readers are open minded as well. With that said, what are your opinions of Beck's statments?