Concentrate the mind on the present... Farewell 2009 ★

It’s that time, my annual reflection of the year.

During the early part of the year I turned 21 & a month later graduated from college. I fell in love... and soon thereafter fell quickly out of love. I learned that when someone shows you who they truly are, don’t hesitate to believe them. I realized I will always have a tremendous amount of growing to do & I’ll always have a passion to leap into new adventures because “Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown.” I’ve battled with the concept of forgiveness only to, again, dispel all resentment. I continuously find myself on a never ending journey of rediscovery. I understand that certain situations happen for a reason; this implies not everything will go as expected or desired, but God is consistently concerned for our greater being. “God will never take you where the grace of God won't protect you.” Most importantly, this year I have learned that what falls will always spring back up and what goes up and is also doomed to fall. (It’s like the stock market – I think I can say Wall Street has learned a thing or two this year as well considering the instability of this years market.)

We must always remember 2 important & intertwined concepts:

1. Good things happen to good people;

2. Karma is a b*tch.

How are they intertwined? During particular times in our lives we may want karma to kick the butts of certain individuals who may have hurt us or committed some wrong against us. Yet, when we no longer hold onto unhealthy grudges, it is an indication we have fully moved on. We have overcome the pain, and hopefully learned from them. We also learn to forgive those who have hurt us. We experience a significant amount of good, mostly because we better ourselves during the process of moving on. Forgiveness allows us to forget about the pain. Forgiveness then empowers us to open our hearts to love again. We learn to love ourselves and we learn to love all others, despite their relation to us. We then live freely and happily. Once all resentment is released, those who have betrayed our hearts experience Karma. Of course by this time, we are unconcerned with their fate.

So yes, in 2009 I’ve experienced many ups, & just as many downs, but all my experiences have helped me evolve into a better person. I'm extremely thankful because God has blessed me. He has blessed me with growth. He has blessed me with a wonderful mother & brother who I would die for. He has blessed me with wonderful friends. He has taught me to live in the moment and for the moment. Eminently, He has given me another day to breathe, another day to right my wrongs, another day to love harder than the day before, another day to appreciate “another day.” Action does not promise happiness, but happiness is brought about through action. In 2010, I can only rely on myself to bring about genuine happiness. As long as you keep getting reborn, it's alright to die some times.

This is to you 2009. Live Fast…. Die Gorgeous

-Free

Do not dwell in the past. Do not dream of the future. Concentrate the mind on the present.

Happy New Years ★

Untitled (November 22, 2008)

A new poem... finally releasing 4 to 5 months of bottled emotions.
It will remain untitled... 

so take it for what it is:

Untitled

Contemplating the trials and tribulations

Of my ephemeral situations

I ruminate over why those I fervidly enamored

Have precipitately fallen apart

Cognizant I could devote a lifetime

Deciphering the enigmas of my heart.

Nevertheless, I’ll always remain curious

Why are humans so in love with love?

When their zeal and obsession

For perfection

Forges a love purely spurious.

Seems we are only playing

Life’s never-ending game:

Love is the child and we are its toys

Love is aware of human desperation

To fill many emotional voids.

We envision our perfect “Forever”

An ideal lover

Who’s beautiful, funny and clever,

A genuine love that simply falls in place

Yet when love becomes tangible,

Impetuously, we cop out in haste.

We build walls higher than God’s blue skies

Because “perfect” is an augury of misfortune,

Or perhaps we allow our insecurities

To manipulate our minds.

Yes,

 Many are jaded by our previous “perfections.”

We fell asleep atop the clouds of heaven,

Only to wake up to the burning fires of hell

As our “Forever”

Slowly evolved into our never

And our days of mourning dwelled.

Undeniably deplorable is not the love we lost,

But rather the love we never attained,

The love full of much potential

Devastingly obliterated

Because “Perfection” drove our insecurities insane.

Consequently, we leave the other hurt, bruised

Their emotions damaged and abused,

As shamefully, human foibles perforce oust the other

Because they were “too good to be true.”

We then expiate our actions with a sophistry

So eloquently articulated,

We begin to believe it true,

Feeling exonerated

When truly, it is oneself who has been duped,

By guiles of insecurities too abstruse

For human comprehension.

Nonetheless, we persistently

And desperately pursue our quests for love,

Furthermore, accumulating deeper self resentment.

Swallowed by our egos,

Into a deeper abyss we fall

“Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.”

PhiloSo[Free]

Experience is the name we give to our Mistakes ★

Grad School Yay!

Studying for GRE's is presently preoccupying my time. I'm excited about applying to Grad School. I'm certainly glad I took a year off. I needed to do a lot of soul searching, secure stable employment (I was lucky to have attained a job in late June) and make sure that I was financially situated as a I adjusted to my transition back to home in NYC. I've realized I'm happy but not content. Something was missing from my life. At first I thought I needed a female companion as I was slowly falling out of love with one female and quickly thereafter getting over another. But as I grew satisfied with being by myself again and not attached to any other individuals, I slipped into bed one night and experienced insomnia as I ruminated over why I wasn't content. If anyone tells you God isn't listening to you.... they lied. I woke up to his answer which was right in front of my face all along, LITERALLY! Sitting on my dresser was an application for the Fall 2010 semester of NYU School of Global Affairs. Under the app was an invitation to the open house and coincidently, the open house was THAT NIGHT. God was not just giving me an answer.... He was smacking me the face with His answer. I miss classes and I miss learning more than anything. So yes, please take this message as an augury of my periodic absence in the future months. I need to STUDY!  

I do frequent my other social networks: 
Facebook.com/Philo.So.Free 
Twitter.com/PhiloSoFree 
Aim: PrettiBoiFree

For those who have asked, my poetry is on my FB page.


Til next time
-Free =]

11+5+2+0+0+9= 27 = Yankees =]

Congratulations to my heart and soul the Yankees. New Yorkers have waited 9 long years for another World Series Win and finally The Yankees have successfully attained the desired tittled. After 6 games against the Philadelphia Phillies, theYankees prevailed. Both are great and hard working teams therefore success in this Series depended heavily upon each team consistently playing their best. Although the Phillies have a long line of heavy hitters, it's team members made siginificant errors throughout the series. At one point they left the 3rd base open for a double base steal by Johnny Damon.

Hats off to you Yanks =]

Photography Up and Coming: Mr. John Luke Hay

There is a lot I can say about Photographer and friend John Luke Hay.

Instead, I'll let his photos speak for his creditability.

JohnLukeHay.com

I have come to realize

I've come to realize I am too intelligent for my own good but I've failed to utilize or embrace my intelligence in certain situations, especially in my relationships... until recently.
Not only have am I embracing my intellectual skills, I have used them to my advantage. I am moving on faster than ever. I pick up on lies, games, and cheating more often. I see a person for who they truly are. Certain individuals are unaware of my ability & smile to my face believeing they have jipped me.
I guess now I have the last laugh.

I have also come to realize why I am single:

1. Women are emotional drama queens & I despise such behavior. Grow up.
2. I love singlehood because : I'm not a playa, I just crush a lot.
3. Women are entertaining.
4. I can't find it in myself to take the majority of females seriously. (A result of numbers 1 & 3)
5.(Most importantly) The few I have taken serisouly convert into lemons...This usually results because while these few are seemingly good individuals..They are intimidated that I'm a genuinely nice, kind-hearted person & (in most cases) a better person than they are. As a result... these nice girls eff up (usually effin me over)... thus converting into lemons.

But when life gives you lemons... Make Lemonade =]



Philoso[Free]
Live Fast.... Die Gorgeous.

The Sonnet: Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They’re conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that’s okay, because you’re very choosy with your affections anyway. You’d absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You’re already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there’s no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

This was my result after taking a personality test. I believe it fits me quite well.

http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=DGLD&g=0&o=2

When someone shows you who they are... believe them.

When someone shows you who they are... believe them.

October 5th thought of the day.

*Just [Free]*
(Sent via mobile)

With love comes respect. Where there is no respect, there is no love. Part 2

With love comes respect. Where there is no respect, there is no love. Number 1 lessoned learned this summer.

When you are in love, you heart overpowers your mind. You fail to properly react fairly to the wrongs against you. You only see the good. When a dilemma occurs that is obviously questionable to you and others around you, you quickly look past it, simply because you are in love. I was fully aware the situations, their implications and knew that lies were embedded within them. But I consistently gave the individual I committed myself to the benefit of the doubt. I allowed her to blame my anger over these quandaries on "my insecurities," knowing very well my insecurities were not related to the ongoing affairs looming beyond our relationship. But I loved her and I allowed my love for her to cloud my common sense.

We broke up.

The drama prolonged into the early summer. I knew our situation was very detrimental to my health both physically and mentally, especially because I recognized that she withheld a lot of information that pertained to our relationship. Yet I greatly desired to mend our wounds and start over again. This is where the lesson was learned.

With love comes respect.

Constantly we would converse about meeting in person in order to discuss our delicate situation like two mature adults. She understood the discussion was very imperative to me. But she consistently cancelled by making an excuse and leaving me to wonder when our discourse would finally take place. Soon one, then two, then three months transgressed. During this time we fought back and forth over our break up and over our potential meeting.

The meeting never took place.

I would bend over backwards to fulfill her every desire both before and after our breakup. I can not say the same for her. Cancelling and prolonging the conversation only portrayed how she did not respect my feelings about our situation. She selfishly functioned only around her time.  It revealed how she did not care about the situation, and also showed how she did not care for me.

With love comes respect.

When someone truly loves or cares for a person, they respect their thoughts, beliefs, ideologies, and feelings. My ex simply disregarded my desires and feelings concerning our engagements. She did not care for me. She did not love me as she claimed she did, otherwise she'd run 1000 miles to fix our problems as I had. And then  she simply stopped speaking to me when I revealed I was disturbed about another situation I didn't care for.

She simply had no respect for me. Where there is no respect, there is no love.

Through the course of her disrespectful actions towards me (yes there is plenty more), I quickly fell out of love. Upon falling out of love, I was capable of seeing our situation from a bystander's point of view. I understood all the wrongs done to me. Yes, I was angry with her, but I became more angry with myself because I allowed them to occur when I knew they were happening. While I am at fault for allowing the wrongs to reoccur, she is still in the wrong for her disrespect. These actions included leading me on to believe we'd fix our problems when those were never her intentions. She has also lied to others about the arguments between us in order to make herself appear as a victim who has repeatedly attempted to rebuild and proclaimed I left her in the dust. This lie (and others) now make me laugh at her immaturity.

At one point in my life, I'd do anything this female asked of me. Now I could care less about her. I can't find it in my heart to care for anyone who outright disrespects me. When you allow that to happen, you disrespect yourself first.

So for those who are in love (whether in a relationship or out) and suspicious matters are at hand, just remember: With love comes respect.... Where there is no respect, there is no love.

*Just [Free]*

"Yes I was burned but I call it a lesson learned."

Ok Ok I know I am slacking.... geesh

Forgive me my darlings. Yes I have been m.i.a but simply because I have been extra busy with my new job at MTV as a paralegal :). I have thought thoroughly and deeply and have been meaning to write out these thoughts but I haven't find the time to blog.

That changes tonight. It's the first of October (where the hell did 2009 go? Seriously?) and I am freezing my asessts off, literally. Today was the first legitmate cold day since May. I don't believe the temperature was any higher than lower 60's. For someone like myself who greatly dislikes the cold and lives for blistering weather, this is never good news. But what can I expect. I reside in New York City, one of the coldest regions in the U.S.

Anywho, plenty has occurred between now and the last time I've blogged (which was a venting session about Kanye's obnoxious behavior.) I find myself pondering over my personal situations more than ever as females seem to walk in and out of my life in the most unconventional fashions. But I'll proceed to cautiously expose my philosophy about love, dating, and relationships based on the affairs of my life without fully revealing the itty bitty details. Maybe you will agree with what I'll have to say, or maybe not.  Just read the blog....it doesn't hurt to read :)

-Free
"Life can only be understood backwards, but it has to be lived forwards." - Soren Kierkegaard.

I can't STAND Kanye's egotisical, whack a*&.

I never liked him since he first became famous. His music is good yes, but his cocky, outspoken personality needs to go. I lost all respect for him when he made ridiculous scene at the MTV awards a couple years ago for not winning nest video. And although he made a valid statement by proclaiming "President Bush does not like black people," he stunned his co-host michaels Myers and the rest of the World with his outburst.

There is a time and place for everything. Kanye commits all the wrong actions at all the wrong times.

I have officially had it with Kanye. How can a grow man run onto stage and curse out MTV for giving an award to Taylor Swift when he believed it should have gone to Beyonce. Ok, maybe Beyonce deserved the award, but Taylor Swift is an exceptional, talented artist and is definitely worthy of winning the award. Are you 5 yrs old Kanye? Do you need to make a scene everywhere you go? Honestly, I'm so sick and tired of his pretentious antics. His tirade was ridiculous and seriously uncalled for. Please, go home, remember how your mama raised your (no disrespect, r.i.p.) and LEARN SOME MANNERS! You are nothing but an egotistical asshole! And maybe you should go get a hair cut in the process.

I happen to like Taylor Swift's song You Belong With Me so Kanye can suck it lol.

Obama continues to push for Health Care Reform from Congress

"I realize that many Americans have become nervous about reform." 

On Wednesday September 9, 2009, President Barack Obama delivered a moving speech to U.S. Congress concerning health care reform. He declared he will no longer tolerate or acknowledge opponents of reform as they are only detrimental to the cause. His primary focus now is to implement the system with the help of both Democrats and Republicans. 

Obama proclaimed that through the program, all Americans are required to have insurance as all drivers are required to buy auto insurance. The government will provide the public option for those who are unemployed an can not afford other health insurance. He mentioned he hoped the public option would create competition and drive down the prices from private insurance companies. He did not specify if taxpayer money would fund the public option.

He also suggested that large business were expected to provide health insurance options.: "There will be a hardship waiver for those individuals who still cannot afford coverage, and 95 percent of all small businesses, because of their size and narrow profit margin, would be exempt from these requirements," Obama said. "But we cannot have large businesses and individuals who can afford coverage game the system by avoiding responsibility to themselves or their employees."

Obama lastly reinsured that Medicare and Medicaid would be readily available despite cuts in costs.

Overall, there response was positive. Democrats exhibited great support while many Republicans remained skeptical and felt Obama should been more specific about the reform's ideals, especially concerning the public option. 

One Congressman clearly displayed his opposition to Obama and his plans. South Carolina Republican Joe Wilson sponstenoutly shouted, "You lie" after Obama denied that health care legislation would provide free coverage for illegal immigrants. Wilson's outburst was instantly condemned and criticized by both Republicans and Democrats with both parties demanding he apologize immediately. 

Reportedly Wilson called the White House and apologized for his "inappropriate and regrettable" comments after Obama's speech.

46.3 million Americans are currently living without Health Care Insurance. Maybe this isn't such a horrible idea. It doesn't hurt to try something once. Personally i believe the reform has good intentions. If the money does happen to come from taxpayers, then so be it. The government should impose steeper taxes upon the rich.  Private insurance is turning into a monopoly and needs to be broken up. Lastly, every American should have health insurance. There are citizens dying everyday because they can not afford doctor's visits or hospital bills. 

Personally I don't believe this incident would have occurred had this been Bush. Bush created a war where our soldiers continue to die on a daily basis. Yet, because this is Barack Obama and because of his background, he is receiving harsh criticism and opposition for a great cause. I hope Obama is successful.

P.Diddy needs to retire from rap... permenantly

Diddy no longer runs this city. No I'm not a hater. I loved the self made entrepreneur phenomenon back in the day when he actually did run the city. And when his name was Puff Daddy.... not P.Diddy. In a a couple months, Diddy is releasing his 4th album. I am certainly not anticiapating this release, mainly because of the album's first released single. Using Biggie's lyrics and voice for the beginning and ending of his song "Angels," Diddy seems have adjusted to the musical craze of 2009. He uses auto tune to adjust his cracky voice but unfortunately, the technique does not disguise his continuous horrible taste in lyrics.

The video seems to mimics a Kanye parody and also resembles Jay Z's 99 problems scheme. Take a look.





Diddy.... please, just retire, or just leave the rapping to your unknown artists. It's not that dirty money....

With love comes respect... Where there is no respect, there is no love. Number 1 lessoned learned this summer.
"Yes I was burned but I call it a lesson learned."
To be continued...
*Just [Free]*
(sent via mobile)

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.
Random thought of the day.
*Just [Free]*
(sent via mobile)

A Poem about Love

This is one of my favorite poems for so many reasons. My favorite quote of all time is highlighted in bold. Love is so indefinable. It just happens. Regardless if I believe it is delusional or not.... It is completely real. You can't deny it when you feel is. But humans remains clueless of how love come about. It just is. And once one achieves this emotion with another, it is the most spectacular feeling in the universe.

Sonnet 17

I do not love you as if you were a salt-rose, or topaz

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

In secret, between the shadow and the soul

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carried in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way

In which there is no I or you

so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand

so intimate that when you fall asleep it is my eyes that close

Pablo Neruda

*Just [Free]*

Love is a Chemical Process that makes one Delusional

Love is a Chemical Process that makes one Delusional

Below is a video I recorded yesterday expressing some thoughts I've had recently concerning love..... I will elaborate these thoughts with another video diary sometime in the near future.

Contact Free